I smell a new horror movie in the works

...is what a friend suggested I do.  And I am doing so. 

I keep forgetting that I have met a lot of awesome people here.  It's been great.  I will continue to keep an open mind about people. 

I imagine most of you know of this already, but October 12th to 16th is Military Rape Awareness Week. Shockingly, the latest report from the Department of Defense reports that 1 of 3 women in the military are raped while in service. This video of a former officer telling her story on the streets of NY really got to me and I hope it will stir something in you as well.

I'm not sure she understood but I think I told her what's what....

now for the harder/more awkward part

effing deuce, she's so nice, calling me everyday, laughing all the time

why can't I tell her I just wanna be friends?

Ugh, I am at a point where I just can't bother to tolerate Asian American generational conflicts and misunderstandings anymore.
stories and tales of parents or grandparents forcing their ignorant bigotry onto their unwilling children.
Understanding our parents/grandparents from a cultural and historical viewoint is important but GOD there are so many times I just want to yell "shutup shutup that's ignorant/that's racist/that's offensive/how could you SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!?"


I've always wondered what it's like to grow up in a 3rd generation/4th generation mindset. I know it's not a completely different experience...but lordly lord oh lord how it could have made my family a little less conflicted.

I wonder...if I have children someday...I wonder...how will they identify themselves? Ultimately the choice lies with them, but I'll be damned if my little girl rebels against me and turns into the next Michelle Malkin. Ugh, chills down my spine.

My aunt had asked me the other day if I wanted a boy or a girl and I immediately said 'girl'. I don't know why. I think boys are little shits, personally, who on average grow up into the big turds that men are.

...that opinion might have something to do with my current job...iono, maybe.

Hmmm. Yes I would like a girl. And leave it at that.

I've become very needy lately.....=/

When a man shares the news that they and their wife are having a baby together, I don't usually expect to hear things like "Good job man."

YEAH, NICE JOB KNOCKING UP YOUR WIFE BRO WITH YOUR PENIS, HEH HEH.

I wonder what I'm trying to find right now.

Give me my old, tiny Walker single back.

Give me back that May 2008 when I felt like I had accomplished something.

and my friends right next to me, little hesitation in sharing things we need to share.

My mom called me the other day. Our conversations have not changed since I was in high school - she asks me the usual questions (did you eat, are you sick, are you sure you ate, did you eat with rice, etc) and I answer with the usual half-hearted replies (mmm, mmm, mmmmmm, uh-huh, NO MOM I'M NOT GOING TO DO _______).

"Chusok is coming up. You need to give some money to your grandmother."
"uh....we'll see."

Chusok, that Korean Thanksgiving holiday, is reserved for paying respects to your elder relatives (both alive and deceased but mostly the deceased ones). Something about just giving money, though, puts me off. When my mother tells me to do it, I automatically say no.

I think I still have a big authority problem, especially with her. But I was washing my dishes later in the day and I thought to myself....'what should I do for Chusok?'

'oh, probably just hang out with the fam.'
'I should get grandmother something.'
'maybe money.'

Yeah, I definitely have a problem with my mother.

I've been having these weird bouts of insomnia for the last three days. I'm lying there in bed and suddenly my mind begins running a mile a minute. Last night I couldn't stop thinking about my old church and THEN I started running imaginary scenarios where I came back to visit for some reason that I could not think of. This morning when I thought back on the two hours of tossing and turning and rapid day/night dreaming I was doing, all I could think was "geez that was a stupid waste of time."

I'd left my church life and my religious upbringing behind a while ago but I've always wondered what happened to that community after my family moved away from Santa Maria. It seems like everything became better - they were finally able to buy their own church instead of renting/sharing with another church, more people joined (unfortunately they're all still Korean) and it seems like they finally opened a youth group program of sorts. They were a community for me, but one that I could never really open up to....which is sad. I like them but I could never really get along with all of them.

A few months ago, as I was planning my Japan trip, one of my aunts (who had recently visited Japan the previous year) shared her experiences in Japan with me. Basically, she broke them down for me into these bite-sized pieces of information:

1) Portions of restaurant food in Japan are significantly smaller than the one's you'd find in Korea.
2) Japanese people are so short! (Her words exactly ~ and then I lol'd)
3) Most of the Japanese people she saw were really ugly.

And after my 5 days in Osaka, I guess I have my own observations about her observations.

1 - Compared to what you'd call a Korean meal, yes, Japan food is pretty fucking weak in terms of quantity. The side dish is very important to almost every Korean meal and Korea likes to pile those on and on. Japan, though, had some great singular meals that didn't really need any additional sides. Okonomiayki, for example, basically had all the staples of a Korean meal inside of it in one convenient pancake (the starch part, or rice, meat, veggies and a lot of fish sauce). But I'm guessing that Japanese people don't eat that Oko~ stuff on a daily basis.

2. I would love to do a simple research survey into what this Korean and Japanese generation's teenage/child group eats these days. Short, you say? Every man and woman visibly under 30 was nearly as tall as I am (I'm about 5'11''). Stereotype or simple physical observation, whatever it is, it's no longer true for Korea or Japan these days....

3. This was a nice reminder of the definition of 'beauty' can be so universal in some ways.

~~Korea's standard of beauty is different on a physical level (a good example is how some people think I'm remotely 'handsome' while back at home I am that asian dude who is way too pale) but its superficiality is all the same. Rigid and unrealistic body measurements (America's barbie-ish hip/bust measurements that are still prevalent and Korea's similar 'S-curve' waist line and the 'V-face'), fascination with whitening up the human face (the infamous double-eyelid surgery, made to make your eyes bigger, is a procedure done often to teenage girls here and back at home) and the same stupid sexploitation of women in various media outlets.
~~With that in mind, it's my opinion that the most 'mainstream' image of a beautiful woman (in Korea) is something that is limited to just one type of body, one type of face, one type of make-up design and like, four types of hairstyles. To summarize - it's kinda like this quote I overheard once - "Man, all the women in Korea look ALL ALIKE." Slightly racist hurrdurr 'All Asians Look Alike' comment aside, I can't help but think that there is an air of truth to it - until you remove all the makeup and muss their hair. Please call me out on this if this is not really what is/if you think this is bullshit.
~~Oh, right. "Japanese people are so ugly." Naw, not really ugly, just very different. All very diverse. I loved 'people watching' while I was there - so many awesome fashion styles. Wish I could emulate it myself but it's not something I can pull off.




~Anyway, I wanted to ask your opinion about this whole...women being sexy and not being afraid of it. I understand how sexual expression is important to a woman's identity and empowerment but where are the boundaries of 'free sexual expression' and 'NSFW'?
~Korea has a well-known censorship panel which prohibits most of the 17+ music videos or commercials from airing before 10 pm on basic cable. These sorts of MV's come in flavors such as:


and basically, almost every other commercial with Lee Hyori:


Ok so, that's just...stupid reinforcement of sexual norms, right? Just because they're raunchier videos released in a slightly stronger conservative atmosphere doesn't make it progressive change, does it? Is this fucking 'empowerment'? Or am I missing the whole 'if you've got IT, flaunt IT' idea of sexual empowerment and expression? But then....aren't they just reinforcing what 'IT' is while alienating all the other women who flaunt their version of 'it'? But 'it' isn't 'IT' and when they start flaunting their 'it' all the smart lil' heterosexual male "sociologists" start gagging privately at 'it' and make fun of 'it'?

This has been on my mind lately - how men and women should let their bodies be portrayed and how they should express themselves sexually AND publically. Please let me know what you think about it all.

The title for this post is from Patton Oswalt's new stand-up cd. Patton Oswalt has become my favorite stand up comedian, along with David Cross and old-school Nick Swardson. Check out their work sometime.

Oh, so I promised a post on Japan. To summarize, Japan was a great reminder of how I am still a very priveleged person. I have never felt so powerless as I roamed around Osaka, not knowing where the fuck I was and not understanding one word I saw on buildings or restaurants or maps or anything! Man, it's nice to know how priveleged I am now to be able to work in a foreign country and still manage to live comfortably with a semi-decent fluency in the native language (with a pretty good job with a good wage standard, which I just realized as well).

We (the BROS and I) just hung out in Osaka for most of the trip, along with a quick trip to Nara and Kyoto. Shit was expensive, lemme tell you what, so not much traveling was done. Also, we all pretty much agreed to avoid the giant clusterfuck of people that is Tokyo. To be honest, I felt like I got a good experience of what Japan is - whatever that means. It sure doesn't mean that I saw weird shit walking down the street every five seconds because the Weeaboo's had it wrong! No I didn't see random cosplaying gothic-lolita's walking down the street (I saw a couple but I expected more...) and just...you know....RANDOM stuff. But it was all pretty normal and quite stylish.

And hanging out with the deer was pretty awesome.

I'll continue this entry later. I've got a lot of my mind lately. I hope you are all staying safe. Eat food and stay full~

oh you new, incoming teachers, so full of hope and dreams; you make me want to work harder than ever at my own teaching job. then I am immediately reminded of the disillusionment and disappointment I went through as my students continued to piss on my lesson plans until I simply gave in and half-assed every lesson while I let the golden shower continue, an experience you will eventually face as well.

next week I am going to Japan next week with Min. it will be like the honeymoon I always dreamed of. will have pics and updates. bye bye. contrary to what you may think, I am thinking of you and miss you.

Things have been a little too busy for my taste but now, thankfully, I've got some more time to just relax.

Finals week has begun and everyone is busy getting tests ready. Even I'm a little busy, reviewing some English in-class with the students.

I've also been trying to get out a bit more, so in an effort to make you jealous of my adventures, here are some pics.

Lotte World serves as Korea's answer to Disneyland and it does the job pretty well. While you won't find many original attractions, you will find the same kind of childish charm to the park that keeps pulling you back for more and more.

I think my favorite was the Indiana Jones knock off "Pharoah's Revenge". Everything from the vehicle to the giant stone ball rolling towards you screamed "Dr. Jones! Dr. Jones!".





I've also become a bit of a mountain hiker lately. Icheon has wayyy too many mountains and I've grown tired of treadmills in my gym. I'm not exactly a big fan of mountain hiking but it's exciting to do since there are so many mountains and so many trails you can explore. I could literally get lost and die out here and it would be a pretty awesome death (maybe death by a hidden mountain animal that the world has never seen before.)





Hopefully, there will be more adventures to come. I am looking forward to a month of vacation and possibly a trip to Japan. Here's to a good summer!

Point #2

please stay out of the Corea vs. Korea argument.

Yes, I realize that all nationalist historians in Korea make many outrageous claims suggesting that old Chosen actually called themselves Corea for a long time, a name they were labeled with by both the U.S. and Japan, two of the biggest Imperialist countries during the turn of the 20th century and it only serves to further prove how Coreans or Koreans or Chosen peeps can be blindly nationalistic.

My question is, why do you care?

Aside from your 'objective' view on the whole matter, does it really give you a wedgie to hear such claims? Tampering with history, I can understand you'd be peeved, but a country with a history of oppressive domination will want to assert themselves. They could probably do better with the rationale. I can't say it's exactly like the difference between calling it 'the Phillipines' and 'the Filipines' but there's a general...related point - they're still throwing off the last remnants of colonization. Do you really get to say STFU?

lesson planning is one thing - I do it quite half-assed actually. the process of making lessons is no longer relevant to me now that i've been assigned meaningless 'teach out of the book' responsibilities.

lesson planning for a demo lesson is quite possibly the most showy, fake circus act I've ever been apart of. Absolutely nothing about a demo lesson reflects how my average class goes. Middle school boys do nothing but perfect their rock-paper-scissors techniques, or comment on some aspect of my lesson that could possibly be related to porn, or voice their independent opinions on something (which they need to work on because right now it's limited to that teenage 'Why should I do this?' and their only reasoning is 'Why should I?' over and over again). A demo lesson does not accurately reflect who they are because they are too active to sit and go through such a simple lesson most of the time.

i will set up a hidden camera and then you will see how disorganized a class of mine will go.

- I guess the term 'ricetarded' could be considered clever when it's used to describe those outrageously violent Korean politicians but it's also really racist. Like, stupidly racist. You most likely have asked others/yourself why you can't call other black people 'nigga' when they perpetuate such a derogatory word amongst themselves. I'm too lazy to link to what I'm talking about so sorry. Also, I didn't know the people I would link to would actually pay attention. No that's a lie, I'm actually quite pleased about that.

- G and I went to the GI base-centered town in Seoul, it really reminded me of certain parts of Koreatown (and a little bit of Westwood). And I got scared. I was on my guard. I was suddenly expecting someone to yell something slightly derogatory about asians (or something like that) and that it would be directed towards me. It was quite literally the first time I did not feel safe in Korea.

- Went to a show. It had music from Korean indie bands and japanese indie bands. I found a dude friend to go see shows with. He is from Wisconsin and enjoys skating in his free time, but does not do any substance abuse, which always seemed to be the stereotypical thing that punks and skaters enjoyed. He is both and enjoys none of that stuff. Refreshing. Indie Korean music is just as slightly pretentious but not enough to be unenjoyable. They also wear things you wouldn't wear usually in public (bike helmets and suspenders and stuff oh my). These are all observations of a dude who just got into this scene but will never really understand it because he's not apart of it.

- Three months left in my contract and I have already clocked out. Sad.

One of the many habits one picks up while they're living/studying abroad is the habitual need to blog about the little differences between *insert your native country* and *insert the other country you've got a boner for because you think the culture/lifestyle/history is fascinating in a really infantilising (is this a word?) manner*

.......hmm, that sounds kind of harsh, sorry. =| .

Granted, I give a lot of people 'the benefit of the doubt'; that magic blanket that turns your intentions of "whatever-whatever-whatever-abroad" invisible to me. I try not to pry into your mindset, your politics, your opinion on Asian women, etc. I'm certainly not one to judge your reasons for being here - I didn't come here to better the English fluency of this country as it continues to grow into the global market. I came out here just to 1. make money 2. get some teaching experience and 3. meet my extended family.

Buuuuuut then, for some reason, your position of power (yes, despite our low and almost non-existent level of authority, being foreign English speaking-Teachers puts us in a position of power), your B.A./M.A./certification in whatever you studied and your penchant for researching every stupid newsworthy thing in Korea convinces you that you have the ability to be a competently funny blogger, poking fun at the little quirks of Korea and adding some good ol' Western insight to the mix.

Honestly, there are a number of things you could deconstruct here in Korea. It's a buffet, a Smörgåsbord of social and cultural "wtf"s to keep you writing forever. But please stop writing about it - this is a plea to you foreign, heterosexual and most likely white male bloggers.

Point Number 1: Those sorts of critiques are meant to come from inside the system. Leave it to the progressives that grew up with a better understanding of Korean society.

When we critique the current gender/sexuality landscape of Korea, for example, we sort of lose the message. Indeed, the Korean taboo's of pre-marital sex are a fascinating topic that can, nay SHOULD be expanded on by analyzing how Korean women's bodies are being defined, who claims ownership of women's bodies in this culture and ultimately how some Korean women are trying to defy those ideas (THEY EXIST! I know, Korean feminists! So shocking...) but when you place the blame on those gosh-darn backward (and dare I say SAVAGE and TRIBAL) Eastern-Confuscian ideals...well, you're not really analyzing much there, are you? Apart from another sociologist that may peruse your, uh, I mean, our blogs, you're telling the rest of the English-speaking blog-stalkers that Korea can't possibly produce 'critical-thinkers', at least, not like the West does! Nothing says you're an open-minded, progressive, critical-thinking sociologist like implying that Korean adults suck because they're not as sexually open (or in your case, I guess, promiscuous?) and independent as you! I mean, us! But that's not their fault, they don't know any better, those poor, ignorant CONFUSCIAN SAVAGES.

Oh and that whole anecdote about you looking for some Asian ass - keep that to yourself. And it's no wonder why I suspect any white man who has taken some East Asian studies course 'for personal interest.'

I smiled the other day because one of my students knew the word 'transgender' and was aware of what it meant.

But then I frowned when he used it as an insult for another student =(

It's the little things that make you really happy or just make you hold your head in your hands and just silently ask 'WHY'.

Every now and again I catch one of my co-teachers talking to another co-teacher of mine in Korean - away from me and quietly. I try not to easedrop but lately I've heard my name come up in these conversations now and again. So, they are most likely talking about me. They also know that I can understand a fraction of Korean - hence the quiet discussion part. Am I nuts for suspecting they are just gossping about me? Are they talking about my poor performance as a teacher so far? It makes me want to cry whenever I think these thoughts and it's quite pathetic of me to be so paranoid about my co-workers.

But I am being evaluated weekly. I just found this out. Lately, I've been working and teaching very poorly. After a half-semester of adapted lessons, some of my co-teachers became fed up with me wasting time so they've assigned me certain parts of each chapter from a really mediocre textbook. I've been instructed to do these parts first and follow the book, not come up with my own material. "If you have extra time left after these parts, THEN you can do teach some of your own material." This isn't a bad thing though - these kids are being tested only on material in their textbook and in the end, they need to pass tests.

But Lord o' Lord how those lessons suck. The English is fine but it's all quite unorganized and I end up teaching a bunch of different English for a clusterf*ck of different situations not related to each other at all. I'm not really creative either so I can't make any good games around them. What happens in the end is that my boys are really, really, really bored and their attention and effort levels just plummet. In turn, that really discourages me and I end up not caring about the lesson or if they're learning anymore. It's really quite disappointing. So I'm going to try a little harder to put a more fun spin to these lessons - I do want to re-contract with this school for another year but I don't want to waste their time and money.

Also, my camera is still at home and my parents don't know how to fix it unless I'm there and Costco says the warranty already expired. I think I might just buy a camera here, one of those fancy schmancy digital high quality cameras, so hopefully I'll have some pictures for you soon.

Also, if someone gives me a phone number...I should call them first, right? Right? Even if it's just to talk, right? I'm not asking them on a date, right? Platonic friendships don't seem to exist here.

Hi friend. I often forget that I have some responsibilities that need constant attention, like this blog. I haven't been really busy lately - just really lazy. A lot has happened since the new year started, so I'm going to try to sift through it all and find the important stuff.

I guess I should mention that I've decided to stay another year here. Ultimately, this decision is about money. When I went home this last January I found out that I'll be paying the school back for more loans than I had originally thought. So most of my paycheck from this year's earnings will be going to that. I'm going to need another year to have some emergency fund money for things like grad school (yeah right...) or for other things that require money.

There are lots of other things that I considered as well. The job market at home is...well, pretty bad, obviously. In contrast, it's almost absurdly easy to find an English teaching job here. And half of them give us foreigners unbelievable benefits. In general, shit is easy here and I am trying to take it easy.

I've basically separated "real life" and "my life in Korea." There's a lot of priveleges I'm gaining from being here - both as a physically looking Korean and as a foreigner. I'm not treated any differently (until they find out I can't really speak Korean), almost every weekend becomes a giant shit show of alcohol induced happiness in an attempt to forget that one horrible class we all have to teach during the week. Taxes are not a problem, the food is great, I'm helped everyday by family and for once in my life I can walk around a place without standing out or getting stares. To everybody else I am just another Korean.

I always cringe, though, whenever I see another foreigner treated differently. Getting yelled at on the street (nothing offensive though, at least, so far), sometimes getting ignored by taxis, etc. Half of me finds it very amusing but then I can't help but sympathize with them as well. Anyway, I can't help but describe this whole experience as semi-charmed, since it comes with the good and the bad, but the bad are just small nit picky things. The good is like, some kind of license to be a stupid person because of your foreign status - something I've taken advantage of from time to time (yeah I HAVE been that loud and rude person from time to time George...and I always feel bad about it afterwards.)

The New Year sort of snuck up on me this year. Before I knew it, I was only 24 hours away from 2009 and officially working and living in South Korea for 4 long months.

Here in Korea, most family's will spend the new year's eve at a beach. My family (One of my aunts and her family plus another one of my cousins) went to a beach called 강릉 (gang-reung) to spend the night enjoying the festivities and wake up early to the first rising sun of 2009.





Well, the clouds were kind of blocking the whole view, but we eventually saw the sun.
















As for...you know, that resolution stuff, I didn't really make any. I never really do the ones I make. But it's another day and another year for new opportunities.

Oh, also, I think I should start living by my principles. Practice what you preach and all that jazz.

Also, a sort of friend/acquaintance of mine has been hurt badly and is going to need some intensive care. I hope you all take care of yourselves.