I've been having these weird bouts of insomnia for the last three days. I'm lying there in bed and suddenly my mind begins running a mile a minute. Last night I couldn't stop thinking about my old church and THEN I started running imaginary scenarios where I came back to visit for some reason that I could not think of. This morning when I thought back on the two hours of tossing and turning and rapid day/night dreaming I was doing, all I could think was "geez that was a stupid waste of time."

I'd left my church life and my religious upbringing behind a while ago but I've always wondered what happened to that community after my family moved away from Santa Maria. It seems like everything became better - they were finally able to buy their own church instead of renting/sharing with another church, more people joined (unfortunately they're all still Korean) and it seems like they finally opened a youth group program of sorts. They were a community for me, but one that I could never really open up to....which is sad. I like them but I could never really get along with all of them.